Big Bang Burger Bar

I would like every one to post a joke of some sort here is mine which like all good material is stolen  :o & it won an award at the Edinburgh festival


Q why did the Chicken Kill itself?




A to get to the other side


Lol

 >:DGinger

i have a repertoire of cheese jokes that is too good to waste on a forum where it will not garner admiration from real people. Sorry EvilGinger.  :P

you only have to post one & who is to say there are not real people on this forum you presume too much some times even for a young squirrel.


 >:DGinger

Knock knock

whose there?

 >:DGinger

Boo

Boo who?

 >:DGinger

There, there don't cry.

ROFOL,


that's the Spirit

 >:DGinger

Did you hear about the Coder that got stuck in his shower for a week?

The instructions on his shampoo said: Lather, rinse, repeat :-)

that's brilliant & truly awful

Q why did the hedge hog cross the road?


 >:DGinger

I don't know, why did the hedge hog cross the road

To see his flat mate!

 ::)

eek cooperative on line joking I am shocked  :o mostly that I am not fast asleep but shocked  :o none the less

here is  another one & in poor taste, if I can remember it any way


Q what's the difference between a house brick & a red headed girl



 >:DGinger

btw this joke is copy right & used with the permission of its creator a much eviller ginger than me

A a house brick is more likely to be laid

BOOM boom

Ok can any one do better or cheaser than that? I am sure you can so let em rip


 >:DGinger

Why didn't the chicken cross the road

I dont know why dident the Chicken cross the road?


 >:DGinger

Because it was chicken.

 ;D

My 10yr old daughter told me this one

tell her its very corny & therefore perfect for this thread


Q why wouldn't the squirrel go out in the snow?

 >:DGinger

I would look to Dat for this answer, but in the meantime....

I don't know why wouldn't the squirrel go out in the snow?

I agree entirely but DAT is oddly silent here of late hoarding his cheasy jokes no doubt.

A because it was afraid of freezing its NUTS!

which is curtsey of my eight year old great niece & yes she takes after her mother  ;D


 >:DGinger

Q: What do you give a rabbit with matted fur?

It's like Christmas, pulling the crackers!  Yay.

I don't know, what do you give a rabbit with matted fur?

Lets rock it.   +:beer=+::beer:


What has 2 wheels and travels at 60mph under water? A motorpike!

What has 3 wheels and travels at 60mph under water? A motorpike with a side carp.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

LOL

three men walk into a bar, in fact an English man an Irishman man and a Scots man & the barmaid says what do you think this is some kind of a joke?

 >:DGinger

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

RoFoL

Q Why didn't the hedge hog cross the road?

 >:DGinger

I don't know etc etc

A Because it had fallen out with its flat mate


 >:DGinger

A: A harebrush!

OUCH!!! so cheasy it was painful but in a good way like it DAT

What's black & white & red all over


 >:DGinger

A sunburnt penguin

A newspaper

A hospitalised zebra.

both work but the answer I had in mind was a Book, and now I have to think of another one which is forum friendly as the crowd unsuitable jokes builds in my head such that it may yet 'Splode!! Dats answer also hurts its so very Cheasy indeed

Q what do you get if you cross a Sheep & a Kangaroo


 >:DGinger

I am sorry I can't hold it in any more... I will burst if I dont type it


A  a woolly jumper of course  +:laughing9=+::laughing9: +:laughing3=+::laughing3: +:laughing2=+::laughing2: +:laughing1=+::laughing1:


 >:DGinger

Sorry here comes a bucket load, as it will take too long to drip feed them into the thread

Did you hear about the boat full of burgundy paint that crashed into a deserted island?
The crew was completely marooned!



42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All generalisations are false, including this one.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows!

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.  (Especially if your a fan of Arkham Horror ROTFL)

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

What's the speed of dark?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Cant think of any thing to post anything  laughing far to much at Crazyfrogs post... Brilliant  +:laughing9=+::laughing9:


 >:DGinger

as Best an answer to Crazyfrogs fusillade of humerus cheese, see above for details

Q whats green & red all over
A a beetroot salad

Knock nock,
Who is there?
Doctor Who?
how did you know that

Q whats the difference between a line of soldiers & a Turkey?
A well the first is a Rank & the second Fowl

Patient doctor doctor I have no nose,
Doctor  how do you smell?
Patient I dont know, I told you I have no nose


Q How many redheads does it takes to change a light bulb?
A No on knows because if there are two are more they start arguing with each other!

Q How many Social workers does it take to change a light bulb
A Two one not to do it & a second to tell you that the first is in a meeting


Q How do you confuse train crew
A give them a cup of coffee & tell them its tea break



 >:DGinger

Working on the railway, I'd agree that they can be confused very easily.

I'll be "borrowing" this joke for the next few years

That's fine it was designed with your re use entirely in mind as I know you work on the railways?

See I believe in recycling  ;D


but back to Jokes & recycling

here is some more (stolen form a goggle search)

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3.Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:" A beer please, and one for the road."

6.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

7."Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8.Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9.An invisible man marries an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14.What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15.Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!".

16.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
 After about an hour, the manager came out of the office
 and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
 Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes
 she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds,
They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20.And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.

21 When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe
 playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

22 I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where
the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it
would defeat the purpose.

23 A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.


 >:D

A couple off a Yahoo search to rejuvenate the thread

Q What do you do with a dog that has no legs?

A Take him out for a drag.

Q Why did the tomato turn red ?

A it seen the salad dressing.

all courtesy of

http://www.cheesy-jokes.net/category/7/cheesy_jokes

also does Puns so watch out!!!!

 >:DGinger

Hear about the police who caught a couple of lads carrying a flat battery and some fireworks.
They charged one and let the other off.

Q What happened to the man with no left arm and left leg ?
A Nothing he's "all right" now.

Q Why are hammerhead sharks not likeable?
A They're all tools.

 >:DGingert

By day, he was an ordinary farm hand, tending the flocks. But by night, he lived a double life as an infamous secret agent.
They called him... The Shepherd Spy.

 >:DGinger

what do you get if you put a duck a plate & a Cat into evilgingers combinatron?
I dont know what do you get

A Duck Billed platy puss of course  +:laughing6=+::laughing6:


 >:DGinger

What happened to the Irish housewife when ironing her curtains.........





She fell out of the window !!

RoFL!!! +:laughing6=+::laughing6:

Hi Oskar

Have you heard the one about the piece of wood which got thrown out of a pub for being a bit of a plank

or the one about a piece of string who got into a row & was told to get knotted?

or the piece of rope which went to the hairdresser and was told it had frayed ends?

or the diced carrot who split up with her boyfriend I am told that she was very cut up about it.


 >:DGinger

Heard the one about the nut & bolt who went out on the tiles & both got spannered!!!


well you have now


Ginger

A real classic I heard yesterday.

What is the most stupidest thing in the forest?

I dont know what is the stupidest thing in the forest?


 >:DGinger

You're going to love the answer.

I hope everyone's humor is online lol.

Ready?

The answer is  An Octopus.

 +:laughing6=+::laughing6: +:laughing6=+::laughing6: +:laughing6=+::laughing6: +:laughing6=+::laughing6:

Just the thing to cheer me up when the IDIOT next Door has woken me up

 
when asked by the  Walnut, what did the young Chestnut call his great grand mother?


 
A very old chestnut of course


>:DGinger

There are 10 types of people in the world ...................... Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Q: How many lead singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, He just holds it up in the light socket and the world revolves around him

Q: What is worse than a locked room full of angry psychopaths?

A: One angry psychopath with a key

Fractious kid I want  a wee
irritated mother No you cant we only got you an X box last week!

inspired by the latest episode of I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b006qnwb

to hear it now.


 >:DGinger

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says

Can you drive this thing?


From Penn & Teller Fool Us, last Saturday.

Q: Why was Boris Johnson staring at the carton of orange juice?

A: Because it said concentrate

Heard the one about the  Yugioh player that won 12 million pounds on the Euro millions lottery? he went to collect his winnings & was told he couldn't have them all at once as even the main post office didn't have that much cash at any one time. they offered him 2million now 2 million tomorrow & the remaining 8 next week. He took one look at them and said nah' is your going to mess me about I will just have me two quid back...


 >:DGinger

what about the man who tried to cross a sheep dog with a Jelly but found he couldent as he got the collie wobbles.


or the man hit in the head by s sweet during a food fight I hear he sustained a trifling injury.

 >:DGinger

Uxbridge English Dictionary entries


Catleprod:- cat which likes poking people or animals
Polyandry:- Collective noun a large number of blokes called Andy all married or equivalent to women called Polly

more and funnier welcome.


 >:DGinger

I heard a couple on the telly at the weekend.

Milton Jones on Mock the Week:
  "I think that elephants are over protected... well that's easy for me to say, sitting here in my ivory tower..."

Also, Tim Vine on Live at the Apollo:
  "the advantages of easy origami are two-fold..."

More Uxbridge English dictionary entries

Hedlibore- some one to avoid talking to at a party
Velociraptor- contraction  for a an unfortunate accident involving a tree as in "Millicent drove at such a velocity she warped he car round a tree"



 >:Dginger

what do you get if you cross a cow with a wallaby


A KangerMoo


& dont forget the Cheesy jokes event at Friends of Spirit Games on Sunday 31st of July



 >:DGinger

I did  +:disgust=+::disgust:

But here is what would be my entry

How many sheep does it take to change a light bulb?

No idea, how many sheep, (Do I have to count them and fall asleep  +:scratch=+::scratch: )


I dont have OCD.

I've checked, 3 or 4 hundred times.

 +:laughing6=+::laughing6:

Heard about the cow with bipolar disorder


She had terible MOOooDSwings


 >:DGinger

Lets try again

Q how many sheep does it take to change a light bulb

A EWE will never guess